"It boiled down to making my pitch, and I didn't."

Ladies and gentlemen, LaTroy on LaTroy.

In honor of Club Trillion, which is one minute played and no other stats recorded on the box score ("1-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0" or so), I hereby introduce to our readership (*silence*) the LaTroy Challenge. Take LaTroy's ESPN box score (for last night, "0.1 3 4 4 1 0 1"), determine whether the resultant number (ignoring decimals) is prime or composite, and then SIT ON A DIESEL-POWERED 14 INCH BLACK PULLSTART DILDO.

That's not that fun of a game though, so instead of parroting Mark Titus, let's steal Jeff Foxworthy's idea and play another rousing round of "You might be LaTroy Hawkins."

For example, "if you were responsible for eighty percent of the earned runs scored against your team, and you only recorded one out, you might be LaTroy Hawkins." Or, "if your ERA is higher than your IQ, you might be LaTroy Hawkins." Finally, "if the total number of outs you recorded in your last appearance was the same as the number of wild pitches, swings and misses, and home runs in that appearance, you might be LaTroy Hawkins."

For that last one, you basically have to be LaTroy Hawkins.