Hebrewer

In Greek mythology, the Goddess Aphrodite was Angelina Jolie, Cintia Dicker, and Marissa Miller all rolled into one. She was so breathtakingly beautiful that all the other Gods feared jealously would interrupt the peace among them and lead to war. They couldn't have that, so Zeus (the original P.I.M.P.) married her to Hephaestus, a God who looked like this former Buck. Basically, her "reward" for being so GD hot was to marry an ogre. Well, Aphrodite wasn't havin' none o dat, if you catch my drift. She played around on Hephy, taking Ares, God of War, as her primary lover. It makes sense that the most beautiful thing in the Universe would bang the God of War, right? But Aphrodite wasn't satisfied with just the God of War, she needed to get with a tasty little piece of a certain mortal.

Adonis got all the girls hot and bothered like it was his job. Straight up metro before his time. Aphrodite couldn't resist him, even though he was a mortal. The famous sculpture, Adonis, stands in the Louvre. While the original artist is unknown, we know it was restored in the 17th century by Francois Duquesnoy. As you can see from the image above, it has, very recently, been updated.

The Hebrewer is MASHING this year. Current projections: Old school - .359/28/134; New school - .359/.437/1.018. He's also stolen 7 bases without getting caught (on-pace for 39). This is absurd. Taking a look at his splits, I really enjoyed this: he's been up 3-0 and 3-1 16 times this season. He's walked 16 times in those situations. That's plate discipline. For a guy making $1,287,500 from Mr. Anttanasio this year, it's almost criminal. So while we're hanging around like a stale fart at 13-16, our setup man's ERA is 9.26 and our closer's ERA is 10.64, at least we have one good reason to go to the games. OK, two.