Brewer Porn

Prince Fielder: I been up 14 times this year and ain't none of em gone. And di' you see Gramps serve up that spicy meataballa to that Commie? Shit like this'll drive a man to eat.

Ryan Braun: Ever since C.C. Sabbatical went back to work you've looked hungry.


Bill Hall: OHHHHH NOH YOU DINT. 14 ABS WITHOUT A DONG PRINCESS? I GONE 14 ABS WITHOUT BRINGING WOOD TO THE PLATE. CHILL OUT RICKIE I AIN'T TALKING ABOUT YO' MAMA. I BEEN USING WHIFFLE BALL BATS SINCE 2007. SOMEBODY GET CECIL A FUCKING PASSIFIER.

Prince: One mo' word out of KE and it's on.

Corey Hart: KE? I am unsure of the meaning of that phrase.

Prince: K-Error. Alls the games that matters he strike out to end the second and then throw the first groundball he can get his shit on to the RIGHT FIELD CO-NAH. Jewbacca and I hit 200 goddamn dongs and Derrick Lee goes fo' fo' fo' on fo' little pussy ass dribblers to third.

Rickie Weeks: Howz KE end two big-time RALLIES when we DUMPED his ass in the offseason?


Corey Hart: *checking statistics on his i-phone* According to MLB dot com, Mr. Hall has not yet appeared in a major league game this season. However, I would swear on my grandmother's grave he personally lost us this evening's contest.

*Prince, KE and Rickie continue arguing while Corey Hart looks confused and Gregg Zaun pulls Alcides Escobar and Casey McGehee into the hallway*


Gregg Zaun: The Macho Man told me he brought me in to provide veteran leadership and to promote a playoff mindset in this clubhouse. The Rays clubhouse makes this place look like a cheap-ass whorehouse. We need to start a grassroots movement to bring some passion back to the Brewers. Are you guys in?

*Escobar and McGehee look at each other*

Alcides Escobar: I don't go in on nothin' ever since my bro Andres got wacked.

Casey McGehee: Aw man, I got some pimpin' buds in my apartment and I just got a Wii and I'm looking to get faded and pwn some kids on online Mario Kart. If I can do your grass movement in 45 seconds I'm in.

Gregg Zaun: *gets hit in the face by a frisbee* Who the fuck was that.

Prince: *walks over and eats the frisbee, which is actually a very large, stale, cake donut* Sorry 'bout dat homeskillet. Big game tomorrow. Needa eat. *whispering* You the same Gregg Zaun who hit .130 for the Wausau Timbers when I was six?

Gregg Zaun: HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THIS TEAM NEVER MAKES THE PLAYOFFS.